Sex is NOT a four letter word!

Sex is not a four letter word, it’s not dirty, shameful or a topic that should be kept out of daily conversation, sex is natural! So it never ceases to amaze me that there are some of my friends that refuse to talk sex. Why? What is so shameful about talking about our sex lives?  As you all know I’m a lesbian (hence the blog name) and I think that a lot of lesbian women limit themselves when it comes to sex. If I had a dime for all the times that I heard the question “You like penetration, then how come you don’t like men?” and believe me I am more than happy to answer. For the record, yes I do enjoy penetration (giving and receiving) and no that does not make me bi-sexual or straight. A lesbian by definition is A woman whose sexual orientation is to women - that’s it. There is no set of sexual practices that are specifically for lesbian women only. To put it in much simpler terms, I get off by being with women, men do nothing for me sexually.

I decided to write this post after having a few conversations with some friends and of course the topic of sex/relationships came up. Now I always hear questions about my relationship but not my sex life and honestly I feel that the two go hand in hand. Many friends ask me how do I make it last, how do I keep her interested but few every ask about the sex. And if you know me, then you know I LOVE sex and feel that sex is an important part of my life. Well let me share a little something with you…sexual compatibility is important to any intimate relationship, meaning that you and your partner should be on the same page or at least willing to explore. Luckily I found my soulmate and sexual soulmate because my partner is willing to entertain and explore ANY sexual fantasy that I have. Now when I mean explore, I don’t mean whipped cream and handcuffs..we’ve explored bondage, role-play, D/s dynamics, swinging, voyeurism, flogging, play partners…and I could go on. I find it liberating that I can come home with a blond, a midget, a stun gun and a cattle prod and my wife will offer to make drinks for us (j/k) but in all seriousness she wouldn’t be mad.

The first step to an amazing sex life is communication – be clear on your boundaries, desires and fantasy’s. This first step is important because your lover needs to know what you want or need in the bedroom. Once you share your desires, you may find that your partner has similar fantasies or is at least interested in exploring your desires with you. The second piece of advice that I would give is to never participate in any sexual activity that you do not enjoy. If you participate in a threesome for example just because your girlfriend wants you to, you will be creating even more problems in your relationship – not to mention the guilt and anxiety that you will feel by doing something that you were not comfortable. I encourage ALL lesbians to explore unconventional lesbian sex with your partner or a cute girl . And by unconventional lesbian sex, I mean, anal sex, suck your girlfriends “strap” (believe me the visual alone will having her digging the skin on your back out), elaborate role play (costumes & all), swinging (if there are no jealousy issues), threesomes, dirty talk (be her personal slut), stripping, sex in public etc. So go out and have some good sex, then come back and tell me all about it.

Technology, the great divide?

Over the past several years, there has been a huge explosion of people using social networking sites as well as technology. It’s become commonplace for us as a society to text or email – the days of letter writing are now long gone. Technology has taken the place of more conventional forms of communicating such as writing, calling and even spending time together – many rely on texts or “tweets” to share information. One would almost think that all of these additional methods of communication would bring us closer but in reality these gadgets and sites only serve to keep us further apart.

Technology affects the very quality of the types of friendships that we have. Friends, at least real ones enjoy spending time together. True friends offer warm hugs, vibrant conversation and delightful moments of laughter -these are things that you simply cannot get via email or text. In fact technology actually maintains the illusion of friendship or closeness when it may not even exist.

Most people text, IM or email while doing other things because they are busy. If you really think about it, if they had time to call they would. Friendships are shared moments, and without actually spending any time together is the friendship evolving or growing? Technology is great for keeping in contact with established friends but itcannot take the place of presence and real time reactions. Afterall how many times can you read “LOL” after sharing something with a friend and it have any meaning for you.

After some serious thought, I’ve realized that real time connections are more up my alley. I prefer to hug, talk and laugh with my friends…in person. I’ve seen some of these “friendships” come and go simply because we had never truly bonded as friends. For me, the fantasy simply does not live up to reality; you cannot trust or grow a friendship with someone that you barely know. And although I love technology, I realize that it has it’s place but it can never replace face time.